Cyber sex and practices in the computer age

Sex Without Skin
The future history of sex?

People all over this planet are having sex right now. They could be the info pulse one lane over on this information super highway. Could be merging with your info-pulses right this second. Wow. What a thought.

But wait....is it sex? Do the words of sex on a computer screen count? Are they intimacy? And where do they fit in on the etiquette scale for social interaction? Interesting questions. They are interesting, but becoming vital in our web-altered society.

Cyber sex or cybering as it's fondly referred to, is a large part of many chatters lives. The entire act of sex and any variety of its subcategories are practiced daily and nightly by couples separated by oceans and cultures and financial impossibilities. Yet, many many of those same people would never have dreamed that they could fall in love or lust with words on a screen. A possible picture in email, although many times, cyber couples fall in love without ever seeing the other's face. Impossible you say? Ask them. They will tell you their feelings. And they may also tell you that they've never fallen so deeply for someone.

This is a huge debate now, especially on some of the talk shows. Some people are of the opinion that anyone you might meet from the net could only be a serial killer, stalker or rapist/adulterer/etc. On the other side, you have happily married couples who met on the web in a chat room or through email and are making a life together now. Others have had heartbreaks and disappointments. They met and didn't "click".

All the same variables as life and relationships in "real time" outside the web. Yet what still remains is that we have people loving and caring and going through emotions over someone who is typing messages onto a small chat box. They see Times Roman "I love you"s and words of lust. Is this real?

It most certainly is. Feelings cannot be "unreal" or not real. A feeling is a feeling. It is there to tell us something about the way our bodies and minds are reacting. It is there as a naturally occurring device to warn/elate us in some way.

Consider this for a moment. You are a loving and caring person. One day, you find you are now deaf and blind. Are you incapable of love or a relationship because of these handicaps? Are you forever to be isolated because of your sight or sound leaving you without two vital senses? Most certainly not!

Yes, there are those online who lie about who they are, where they live, single or married or how they look. The most common lie is about a person's weight. People will drop a few pounds from their weight knowing they would have time to lose it should plans for meeting be made. But many or most are decent honorable people. Just like you and me and our neighbors or family. People on the net are people. They are not chat names or isp numbers. They type with feeling and we hope, honesty.

The net very much mirrors "real" life. The same ups and downs. The same types of people. All types, cultures, color and religions. The variety of people you can meet any given day on the web is astounding. Make friends from all over the world. What an incredible opportunity! World communication on a non-governmental level. Real people talking about real things. And yes, between those "seeing " each other in an online relationship, real interaction. The intercourse might be of a different format, but when you combine emotion and words, they can have a powerful reaction.

Cyber sex without emotion is totally similar to a visit to a professional host or hostess. Prostitution is not an act of love. It is functional. The prostitute, male or female, knows no emotion for their client. Nor do they want to. Do it, get it over with and relief is the end result, usually. The same holds true of functional cyber sex.

Whether the participants choose to masturbate and satisfy themselves, is entirely a private affair. It is no one's business. And if they are deriving satisfaction from cybering, who has any right to question or judge.

This does not include married or committed people who "cheat" on their partners with a cyber partner. That will be the topic of a future column. Please join me for a further look at life on the internet. Until then....

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